Ulysses Mohnton Zeitschrift
A Festival of Ideas
Wednesday, July 21, 2021
Sunday, April 26, 2020
La Ragazza di Milano - A Short Story
***Before reading, listen to 'Norwegian Wood' by the Beatles***
Édouard was getting his teeth
cleaned at an open dentist in Richemont when he got a message on his tablet
from a young woman, the Milanese model Nicole. She was in town for a photoshoot.
He asked her where. She took her time responding.
He went
back to his hotel to freshen up for the girl he’d been pursuing for months now.
He’d encountered her multiple times, at multiple events, in multiple cities
around the world. They were star crossed lovers whose destinies were yet to
intertwine.
After
getting dressed he noticed a message notification from her. His anger was
ignited when the tablet crashed upon opening the message app. He fought the OS with every trick in the book
until he threw it across the room. It bounced off a pillow onto the floor. When
he picked it up, everything was fixed. The app opened up, allowing the message
to be read.
“365 W Martini St. Come after 9. We
should be done.”
Édouard’s
hotel was on N Langouste Ave, at the top of a hill, which intersected Martini
St at the bottom of the hill. It was a clear moonlit night. The city streets
were deserted due to a miasma reported to be spreading the plague across the
region. In the convenience of it, he mounted his longboard and coasted down an
empty Langouste all the way to Martini, arriving seven minutes after la ragazza di Milano had specified.
He strolled
into the studio where Nicole was posing for the camera. She was modeling a
MamerSass pink and white gown with a furry collar, twenties style. The flashes
and lights bounced off her perfect cheekbones and the dress was resplendent by
her svelte figure. She noticed him enter the room. The photographer noticed her
notice him.
The
Photographer dropped the camera and turned to Édouard. “Why are YOU here? This
is MY photoshoot!”
“Isn’t it
her photo shoot?” Édouard quipped.
“Get out. I
will have you arrested for being at MY shoot.”
Édouard
ignored the photographer and said to Nicole “You look fantastic, darling. Ay,
which way to the Illy?” (referencing where they first met). Steam protruded
from the photographer’s ears. He turned back to the photographer and said, “Calm
down Ernst. I didn’t bring my camera with me,” as he moved towards Nicole.
Photographer
Ernst Ketchum looked at his watch and made a contrived change of attitude.
“Okay, well, looks like our time is up for today. Nicole, see you tomorrow at
3:15.” He unscrewed his lens from the camera body and continued to Édouard,
“Now, go ahead and leave us so we can clean up…” Ernst continued angrily under
his breath, “…I am serious I will have you arrested if you don’t leave right
now.”
Édouard
almost all the way to Nicole, said to Ernst, “Okay, me and everyone else here,
too, for violating quarantine lock down.” Turned completely to Nicole, “Hey
babe, this guy doesn’t seem to really want me here, so I’ll catchya on the
outside. Aight?”
She smiled
and Ernst squealed impatiently.
45 minutes
later the photographer and la ragazza emerged from the studio. Ernst went where
he was going, and Nicole came to the Langouste junction. Édouard got up from
his lamp post and joined her path.
“That guy
is an ASSHOLE,” Édouard remarked.
“Mmhmm. Why
was he so pissed?” she asked
“He must be
familiar with my work. That’s why I’m in town.”
“What’s
still open around here?”
“Nothing.
This miasma has stranded me in my fancy hotel. They aren’t letting anyone up to
the rooms who isn’t staying, but I think we can sneak into the lounge.”
“Alright,”
she said.
And so they did. They stayed up
talking most of the night, discussing the nature of a perfect kiss. Its
properties, its participant, its execution. He took photos of her on his
tablet, until it crashed again. They drank a bottle of wine and slept there
until morning. None of the staff felt the need to check the closed lounge for
trespassers.
Thursday, September 26, 2019
Review of Cigars and Cigars
My entry into this world of smokes began with a college friend who runs a popular cigar review page on Instagram. He is Jim of @great-cigars. MY first smoke was supplied by him at our alma mater. If I remember correctly, it was a coffee flavored something or other.
My first cigar that I chose to smoke was the Churchill sized Romeo y Julieta. When I read the The Last Lion by William Manchester, he mentioned that the brand was one of Winston's favorites. So naturally, being an admirer of him, that was what I smoked.
Romeo y Julieta has a mild flavor and is a standard cigar. I am not very good at describing the notes and subtleties yet.
The next kind I tried was a recommendation by the salesman at the cigar shop. He gave me an Undercrown to try. It had a slightly more intense flavor than the Romeo's, but still rather mild.
Tuesday night, I tried my third distinguishable brand. I smoked a Metropolitan Connecticut by Nat Sherman. It wasn't a bad smoke but it definitely was the mildest of the three. I don't think I'll get this one again.
If I had to recommend one of these three, I'd go with the Romeo y Julieta. It falls right between the two others in flavor and strength, and I also get to feel connected to a great Briton.
Whether you smoke them occasionally, are a regular at the cigar lounge, or are smoking in bed and then attending Parliament, cigars are a classic accessory that adds to the aesthetic of a gentleman.
I'll leave you with my theory on why smoking has been treated aesthetically throughout history. A cigar demonstrates one's ability to casually control fire, so casually in fact, that it is added to the sartorial aesthetic. Also, one is taking chaotic fire, controlling it, and using it to relax, much like a sailor captures a strong wind and uses it to propel him around the globe.
*Disclaimer: Theoretically healthier than cigarettes because you are not inhaling into the lungs.
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